Fred and the Search for Happiness
I once knew a guy named Fred. His lifetime goal was to be rich and famous someday. He was chosen as a representative for the UN. He was sick and tired of the extensive greed and vengeance the UN caused, so he went on to the field of cross-species genetics and, after years of hard work, bred the first-ever unicorn. He named the unicorn Steve. Steve then went back in time to the offices of Mojang to help Markus Perrson find a name for his new game character. And that is why unicorns will be added in the next Minecraft update. Meanwhile, Fred made trillions selling unicorns to little girls, but he still wasn't satisfied. He didn't find joy in his vast treasures, nor the talk among little girls over his work. So he decided to create a charity to help people in need in Africa, thus ending Ebola, world hunger, and the Taliban. But he still wasn't happy. He wanted more. Getting rid of his money didn't help at all. So he went back to the UN. He talked and debated, and debated, and debated, until it was finally decided. All current wars were to cease and desist to make way to usher in a golden age, creating world peace. However, Fred still raved and raved on the balcony in his tall, penthouse office, wondering where his Happiness hid. Just then, a slender, golden figure appeared. It spoke and said, "Fred, why the long face?" "I feel... like I... I didn't do enough with myself," Fred replied. "What!?" The golden figure was shocked. "That is the most ridiculous thing I ever heard. You permanently ended war, world hunger, Ebola, not to mention you created unicorns. Unicorns! And Steve named a game character!" The slender figure left the room to take a crap. As the golden figure dropped logs, Fred pondered this and realized: HE was the man that fixed the world. Why shouldn't he be happy? He should be. He is. After the golden figure finished taking a deuce, he talked to Fred once more,"so, found happiness yet, Fred?" Fred replied,"yes. Yes I have." The slender, golden figure said,"good." Just as the golden figure nears the door, Fred says,"Wait." The figure stops and turns around. Fred continues,"I never caught your name." The figure smiles, and replies: "Happiness."
Fred written by MinecraftJCN